You know traffic is bad when you think "i need a drink"... While driving...

I have the best/worst larry david scenario that just happened to me lol. ew i will tell u later

Speaking of bee gees and am i stayin alive bc i thinl im dead

Not a druggie just diabetic

Dont call my name ricarddoooo

The hot ass bartender: is it stiff? monica: not stiff enough

Omg lorin grape lady is me in real life she has anal with a grape bucket

FWD: Do you know what's wrong with monica?? She keeps sayin she wants to be grape lady'd

Like spiderman with great power cums great reaponsibility...glitter nation has a responsibility

Waiiit ew lorin i just upchucked my chuck bass aka does betty white get u haute and bothered,,?

FWD: Grandma I'd like to funk

FWD: There's a butt grabber on the loose on nikes campus.

Wait i think i know what a gilf is? is it the gill of a lutefisk nroweigian fish

A bj is a bj

This big black girl just told me I reminded her of kesha.I die

Eww i cant access my voicemail bc im drunk and i cant type my passcode so my phone put up a blocker ewwww im the scatmannn

Shhiittttt airport drinks are muy expensivoooo ewww 50 dollars later

I normally like things that r south (y know what i mean) but down south georgia is 2 dirty 2 cleam my scat up

(2 of 2) free internet porn, then threw up all over Meredith's floor ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww scatman.2012.com

(1 of 2) YOU GUYSssssssssss I am DEAD. Last night we went out with the lead in Meredith's play and I spread the gospel of glitter, then started talking about

Ewww i thinkk im about 2 get laid

Ewwwww an old man just farted in my face, I'm like when did my wild oats become shredded wheat, y'know?

Hahahah you guysssss I'm in DC getting saucy about to go see a shakespearian show that meredith is innnnn your love your love y'know?

I just told this guy I was in a polyamorous relationship. Needless to say he is coming to our fourth of july party

test literal chickn nugget that sings. Wut can I get for a dollar

There is this guy that looks exactly like the hamburglar met a chicken nugget like I am not kidding he is making me hungry. I am so serious rahiel can at

Do u want to have a slumber party in my basement

U guys I am wasted and I look like peggy bundy aka a lesbian and I jsut got picked up by some puerto rican dykes on bikes not complaining

(texts my boyfriend sent me) FWD: I want a monkey just to get funky

(texts from my boyfriend) FWD: I want a giraffe to take a bath

(texts my boyfriend sent me) FWD: I want a zebra that's a libra

Am i stayin at the hilton am i stayin at the hyatt u know?

FWD: Can you tape it

pon de floor... ew hahaha wait no john mayer

the girl at the mcdonalds drive thru just told me i had smeared lipstick over my face... it not lipstick

Ewwwwwww moniccccaaaa im gunna get fucked tonightd aka i see u sitting there stuffing ur face why dont u stuff me up

Ewww u guys i am sexting a three yr flame and its actually following up ewww put ur head in the pillow and SCREAM u know what i mean???

we didnt talk too much but we had period sex... and it was bloody good

What if i went as anthrax amerika for the 4th of july party

I want to make the black version of shes all that but it would be shes all that (and a bag of potato chips) ew not ok

I am on the monster ball tour aka dr3unk at theairport again..this is becoming habit (like tom cruise being in the closet)

Skeebie deebie doo bop bop i am the scat of nation right now ughhhh vagabond suitcase couch cruncher: where in the world is carmen sandiego

"wheres my gumball? i put a coin in ur coinslot" my sister to a stranger

My sister stuck a quarter in a guys coinslot at a bar aka she is inducted into the illuminaughty aka ihop: intl haus of pe3en

U guys IM CRUNK i am real life alejandro aka military camp homoerotic binge drink fest in wino country

my boyfriend just ordered a drink called "man crush"... long story short (if possible) the drink looks like sperm in a martini glass. am i gay?

hey girl my mouth is full

i scare people. im like this isnt lipstick it's blood

Waitttttttttt hahahahahahahha are you guys meant to be, like MJ and bubbles????

The guy next to me keeps saying you know what i mean and i keep loling imcrunk on train (in the back like harriet tubman i mean rosa parks)

oh, yeah? you wake to drake....

Wheres the nearest cupof coffee hanging by the thread of my loincloth ew

Awhhooooo theres a she wolf out of the closet and that is me. Im at a devils party in the valley animal masks and fire dancing h8ers back off

omggg there are people with boobies out bongo drums in laps i have found our people

U guys i thought of my drag name: Palak Veneers! ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Forever we stay hungry and everybody smells yummy

YOU GUYS.. Look at the text lois just sent me! I'm dying: I'm so pumped to go out tonight, its been awhile since I got to see your face surrounded by bud light

and flower halo ew glitter nation forever

Eww i am hung the fuck over bc i threw up my chaser pluses i was 3 hours late to picking my parents up andthey showed up at my house and i had star trek glasses

ew last night i fell asleep at a walmart parkinglot and then got sexually harrassed by a guy in an american flag sweatsuit. I was into it.

You guys i am hookng up with a dady he has two kids but is so hot. I am dead and naked

Wait this guy has no tp but he has baby wipes

OMG i am at abu gharibs housei i die